Seeking

Feeling like I’m looking for irrelevant answers in the wrong places. Always seeking, never arriving. I’m not sure what’s the “right” way to live, what’s my way, what I want and how I want it. Just always seeking…

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Today, my original intent was to put my winter clothes away and make room for summer.

But then I began to wonder where my blue external hard drive was (in case I decided that today would indeed be the day I went out and got a new cell phone – I wanted my external to back up the data from my current phone into).

Ironically enough, I couldn’t find it. So, I began the search and my cleaning plans have turned around 180 degrees. The clothes must wait. For now.

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It’s been awhile, and I just felt like writing.

I’ve taken two weeks off from work for some spring cleaning, me-time/soul-searching/life-planning, and just some good old R&R.

A week has already passed, and I’m feeling like I need more time.

But, of course, ten lifetimes won’t be enough for me if I mean to do soul-searching and life-planning in the way that I feel so instinctively and repetitively pressured to do.

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The toilet in my bathroom has been acting funny since last night. A friend is about to come over in less than an hour. But I sit here “writing.” Oh, the suspense.

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My boyfriend and I recently got a cat, we call him Pumpkin. He’s a British Shorthair tabby and 10 weeks old. Never thought I could be a cat person until Pumpkin came into my life. The smartest, cutest, most playful, energetic, and only cat I’ve ever owned in my life.

Here’s my BGM for this morning:

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For pictures of Pumpkin, check out his Instagram @saycheese_pumpkin

 

Time and My Being…

The most intentional passing of time felt in a most unintentional passivity of being. Is how I would describe. Several of the largest chunks of my thirty odd years on this planet. Thus far.

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#ontimeandbeing. literally. subjectively. #personally. #feelingcomplex #latenight. #thoughts #words #writing and #thinking #feeling about #life.

January_the first Tuesday of 2018

For better or for worse, my body has decided to be feeling low as we enter the new year.

Much is on my mind and much needs to be done, yet my body calls for rest, quiet, and alone-time.

This could merely be a natural reaction to the over-extroverted lifestyle this holiday season required of me (birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day meet-ups and celebrations on end), which I naturally enjoyed, to the fullest.

Regardless, it has taken a toll on me and I’m struggling to recover, whilst continuing to be fairly booked for most of this first week of 2018 as well, for various appointments and dinners with people I respect, love, and am grateful for.

So, herein lies the dilemma.

I am physically and mentally not feeling up for occasions I am normally more than down for, in principle and heart.

What to do…? What to do?

If only there was some way that I could fully recharge physically in one night, and recuperate for at least the past thirty nights worth of accumulated energy depletion. If only…

Or, if I could actually just find some time to rest. That, too, would be great.

Anyhow, Happy New Year.

I am Adult.

So, is this what it means to be Adult?

Caress one another until the mild to ravenous heat of passion overcomes the lovers, and after Climax speak of premonitions and feelings?

fleeting thoughts one too soon forgets, despite the deeply morose and deeply soulful nature of such thoughts, feels, and forebodings?

So casual, so natural, so light.

So usual, so normal, so right.

So it seems, I am an adult now.

So it seems, I am, Adult.